funeral etiquette

how to act at a funeral

It’s important to know what religious, ethnic, or personal considerations you need to take into account. And it’s also important to be respectful of the emotions of close family members.

Here are a few helpful hints:

- Respect the family's emotions.

Grief just does not look the same for everyone. Some people do not demonstrate grief outwardly; others experience delayed grief, especially after a prolonged goodbye. Our nervous systems sometimes perform damage control. Also, sometimes people step up to attend to the affairs of an estranged family member, and experience confusion, pain, or anger.

- Offer an expression of sympathy.

Sometimes we are at a loss for words when encountering something as final as death. If you do not know the surviving family members, explain how their loved one fit into your own life. "We worked together, and although we rarely spoke, he was a great co-worker. Very professional and efficient. We are all very sad." Simply saying "I'm so sorry for your loss" is usually enough. Be respectful, listen attentively, and offer your own words of condolence. Sharing a specific memory is nice, too.

- Find out the dress code.
These days, it can seem like almost anything goes, but only when you know it's the right thing. In fact, sometimes the deceased has specified the dress code; "No black" or "Hawaiian attire" are not uncommon requests. Without any specific guidelines, then dress conservatively. Avoid bright colors. 

- Give a gift.
It doesn't matter if it is flowers, a donation to a charity, or a commitment of service to the family at a later date (as long as you follow through). As always, "it's the thought that counts." Always make sure to provide the family with a signed card, so they know what gift was given, and by whom.

- Sign the register book.
Include not only your name and address, but also your relationship to the deceased: co-worker, gym buddy, or casual acquaintance from the club. This helps family place who you are in the future.

- Keep in touch.
It's might feel awkward, but the family will 100% absolutely appreciate a message down the road. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays are all going to feel very different for your bereaved friends. Do not ever be afraid to say the name of the person they lost. 

What not to do at a funeral

- Don't feel that you have to stay.
If you make a visit during calling hours, there's no reason your stay has to be lengthy. Just make sure you sign that register book.

- Don't be afraid to laugh.
Remembering their loved one fondly can mean sharing a funny story or two. Just be mindful of the time and place; if others are sharing, then you may do so too. There is simply no good reason you shouldn't talk about the deceased in a happy, positive tone.

- Don't feel you have to view the deceased if there is an open casket.
Act according to what is comfortable to you.

- Don't allow your children to be a disturbance.
If you feel they might be, then leave them with a sitter. But, if the deceased meant something to them, it's a good idea to invite them to share in the experience.

- Don't leave your cell phone on.
Switch it off before entering the funeral home, or better yet, leave it in the car. All too often, we see people checking their cell phones for messages during the services. And nobody wants to be the one who disrupts an emotional or even sacred event with an obnoxious ring tone. 

- Don't neglect to step into the receiving line.
Simply say how sorry you are for their loss, offer up your own name and how you knew the deceased.

- Don't be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake.
Everyone does, and you can be sure that an apology may be all that's needed to mend and soothe.

When it's all over, always remember to continue to offer support and love to the bereaved. The next few months are a time when grieving friends and relatives could need you most. Let them know that your support did not end with the funeral.

our team is here to Help

Perhaps you've got special concerns about an upcoming funeral or memorial service? We're here to provide the answers you're looking for. Call us at 773-318-1305.